I used to have this job..

I used to have this job.. I didn’t know what I was applying for. All I knew is, I wanted this job. It looked amazing to me and nowhere in my mind did I realize this job would affect my life in a large way.

I used to have this job.. When it all first started and I was in the interviewing phase, I was so nervous. How do I look to them? Is my personality a match? It was all so nerve wracking that I almost blew it, but good thing they made it so easy. I was so comfortable so fast.

I used to have this job.. After I got the job, it was an amazing feeling. People would always compliment me and sometimes I could feel some other people wanted my position. I loved every second of it. I was happy every day. I would never dread one second of going to work. It was a happy time in my life.

I used to have this job.. I wish I could say I tried my best. Truthfully I did not. And I was caught. I was punished and thankfully I was given another chance. I had made the most of it as I could and I had this job for a little while longer.

I used to.. As time moved on, I found myself content to go to work, but not like how I used to feel. I had calm down and become comfortable. Unfortunately the time came for my work to let me go and I couldn’t believe it.

I used to have this job.. I was devasted. Distraught. Destroyed. Somewhere along the road, I has fallen in love with my job. And I thought they had needed me to. I was gravely mistaken. I was replaced like I was just an old part in a car that needed to be changed.

It hurt me. And even to this day, it still does. But then I realized, it was just a job and not a career in the making. Sometimes I wish it was my career, but I had to move on. Now I see that it’s okay to be unemployed sometimes. I don’t always need a job.

I used to have this job.. But now I don’t. And I wish you the best in whatever comes your way in the future.

When you come home and the shield you put on when you left the house is all battered and broken, you feel it. The emotions flood into you. Your fake smile isn’t there anymore. Your eyes aren’t dry anymore. You just break down. You sleep early hoping for a better tomorrow, but the cruel reality is that you can’t sleep. You just lay there holding a pillow and wiping away the streams of tears.  The sad memories flash through your minds and you just can’t take it anymore. “It’s never going to get better” you think as you fall asleep..

I’m used to people crying, but I’m not used to myself crying.

This is for you cousin.

Throughout your life, you affect many people. Sometimes more than others. You don’t know it, but your small acts of kindness touch people deep. It leaves a mark. Ans mark that isn’t felt until its too late. No one truly knows whats its like to appreciate the small things. But when its too late, the small things become something big. And it hits , hard. After you left me, and everyone you knew and loved and the people that knew you, no one forgot you. I know I still think of you and everyone else does too. You just didn’t do small things, you did big things. You were nice and kind to anyone, smart and willing go guide anyone who needed help and your charisma can’t be replaced. Last week on your 49 days, i thought about it.

Throughout your life, many people affect you. But when you’re gone, that’s the last effect you’ll ever have on them. And you better believe if was big. I love you Tung. Visit me in my dreams sometime. I’ll be waiting.

I wish I had never ever yelled at you. I wish I never did anything to make us worse. I wish I had never ever let you go. I wish.

If I choose you, I choose you.

Don’t say ” There are better guys/girls better than me”.

I want you and only you.

(Source: kimmychuuux, via h2ochristina)

My eyes burn so bad from crying. I’ve never had such intense emotions bottled up. I wish I could just blow up. But I don’t want to grow up with something to remind me how  stupid I was when I was barely 18. I just have to hold it in. Hold it in and let it out slowly in tears. I want to get rid of all of this so bad. It hurts. Its the worst I’ve ever felt. No scar on my body is deeper than the one I can’t see.